Interview with Graeme Houston of Scotair Balloons
Firstly, thanks for taking the time to have a chat with me.
Pleasure is mine.
I have done a bit of research on you and hope to ask you about some of the things I have found, if that is okay with you.
I have to be honest I have been looking forward to this for a while now so you have my permission to ask me whatever you like.
Right let’s start with how you came to be a Pilot. Can you tell me how you got involved?
Well, it all started way back in the 80’s when I was a budding pop star. I had been gigging and recording with some pretty interesting people and loving it. In order to fund my music I had a real job with Loganair at Glasgow Airport. Now Loganair bought a Balloon for advertising which didn’t go down well I remember, because the folk I worked with thought the money spent on that could basically be divvied up amongst them.
Well the band I was in at the time had a few problems musical differences, or what ever they call it. I was at a loose end so when they needed crew for the balloon I thought bugger it I’ll give it a go. The pilot took me up the first day it went out and I was blown away. A few days later I was offered the chance to learn how to fly and just thought what the hell.
Did you ever think it would lead to where you are now?
No way! I just thought it was a great opportunity and an ideal way to meet the Ladies.
Was it?
Ehh. No!
Why?
It wasn’t until later that I found myself at a ballooning event down south with my brother. We were in this castle registering our entrance for the event. My brother just looked around and said “what are you doing in this game? Look at these guys”. What he meant by this was simply the club type element. I knew straight away what he meant. People who wear flying suits, especially red ones, should be taken outside and flogged by locals. I just don’t get the need to wear them and to stick badges on them. I nearly gave it all up then, but fortunately loved flying so didn’t.
Graeme, the ladies?
Oh yes. Well as you can imagine being lumped in with this wasn’t exactly good for that .
You met your wife through ballooning, did you not?
Yeah! But that was different.
How?
Lisa worked for a balloon manufacturer called Thunder and Colt in Oswestry. This was, at the time, the place to go for your gear because this was where Per Lindstrand was from.
Per, is he the chap that Branson was involved with?
Yes that is correct. Well anyway I was sitting in reception one day and low and behold here is this girl on the desk and I just sat and chatted to her for the best part of three hours.
Well?
I called the factory a few times and eventually hatched an idea that I would say I am coming back to buy spares and that if she fancied meeting up for something to eat it would be cool.
Obviously she said yes?
Well of course, although I ended up spending £520 on equipment that I never needed just so I could take her out. No cheap date.
Okay Graeme I think we should get into the serious issues now and talk about the ballooning business.
Sure, that’s fine.
How difficult was it when you set up your business?
It was nerve racking, you know it had never really been done before so I was going to have a real up hill battle. I had been working for a guy in Skipton in Yorkshire as a Professional Pilot which showed me that there was definitely a market for it, due to the number of passengers from Scotland we flew.
How quickly did you see passengers booking with you?
I was amazed at just how it all came together. I guess within a matter of a few days after my first advert we took our first booking. Within the first week I had also taken a group booking for 8 people from the Borders. Flights and interest really grew quickly and Christmas of the first year was fantastic.
Sales wise?
Yeah! I thought we might sell up to 80 vouchers but we actually sold over 240.
What did this mean to you?
Success, I suppose. My father who was alive at the time and was also my partner was a happy bunny because we could suddenly see a bright future.
How did it change?
Well we had to buy a second balloon which was a wonderful feeling. We grew through the next year and had another bumper Christmas. The third year was where things really changed because we needed to take on a second Pilot to cope with the number of passengers we had to fly. We had also purchased our third balloon and second recovery vehicle to meet the increasing demand.
Now it was not always going to be easy for you. Can you explain to me what happened to you and one of the Pilots who flew for you a couple of times?
Well yes you know the saying. You should watch your enemies closely and your friends closer? I had a friend from the North of England who had flown for me a few times and enjoyed it. He said he liked the area and would like to buy a house here, so asked if I would keep my eyes open for him. Never thinking what was to come. He offered to buy one of my balloons one day, then a few days later I received a call from another very good friend of mine to say that this chap had not only bought a franchise with a certain balloon company with red balloons, but instead of it being for his area, it was for Biggar in Scotland.
Wow! You must have been upset?
That would be putting it mildly. After all the work I had put in to make Biggar the place in Scotland to fly in a Balloon, here we had someone prepared to walk in and take a chunk out of my success.
Did it make a difference?
Not initially no. He had an accident in another area and that was him as they say oot the game! We then had a call to see if I could take on his passengers. Every cloud as they say.
You ended up with their passengers then?
Sure did, for a while. They ended up sending someone up here to fill in for him. That again failed and yet again I was asked to help.
Would you say it was around this time that you started to see the problems in Ballooning?
Oh! Yes. Parasites or agencies as they are more commonly known started to muscle in on the scene. Obviously I cannot mention names, but if they ever read this they will know who they are.
You dislike them?
Dislike no despise with a passion, yes.
Why?
Well let’s look at it honestly here how we make our money. Okay let’s say you come to me and pay me for a flight at £160. That money will go into our account and we will either pull it through the books when you either fly or after 12 months when your voucher expires. This is the key here the word expires.
Can you elaborate?
Getting to it. If I sell you the voucher then the money stays in our account and we use the money to pay for the operation. If an agency sells you a voucher it was normally more expensive to start with, but they keep the cash. So what they do is enlist you as a supplier, then say to the world you can buy a flight from Biggar because someone like me gives them that opening. We never know how many flights they sell because we only see the passengers who come forward. The net result is they have just made thousands, I will say that again thousands off my back.
You did try and stop this did you not?
I wrote to every Balloon company and warned against being involved with these agencies but unfortunately it fell on deaf ears. I warned that the proliferation of these agencies would have a serious impact on our businesses and to walk away and leave them.
I take it they didn’t?
Ehh! No. My letter was most likely filed under R for rubbish. In the last 24 months I have spoken with other operators who have now come out and said that I was right on the money.
So is the industry in a bad way?
Oh my God yes.
How?
The shear number of agencies, shops in fact any bugger on the street can sell Balloon flights. They just need to get some one to fly for them. There is now a price war online. These agencies are now under cutting each other and I can tell you operators are not dropping their rates now. The agencies rely on non redemption, in other words people not using their vouchers. There is one large operator who works along with numerous agencies and I can assure you that they will sell vouchers at ridiculous prices just to get the money in.
What kind of money are we talking?
I have found an agency selling Hot Balloon Flights for £89.60. This is a joke, trust me I know how much the pilot gets from this and considering it will be split between three someone loses money in a big way. Most operators will be charging at least £100 + Vat to fly someone. This is just a ploy to get folk to part with their cash. The operator does not want to fly you.
Surely this would mean more people hold vouchers than before?
Yes, absolutely but there are probably the same number of spaces overall on flights if not less than before due to some Pilots getting out of this business.
What do you think will happen?
They will burn out, it will not be long. I am sure it won’t be long before there is a Watchdog Investigation in to the practice. This is why we have become totally independent. We have less passengers than we did a few years back but we have people who want to fly now rather than people who were given a flight as a gift but probably never wanted it and therefore feel obliged to come for a flight. If there is one thing you can be sure of it is those passengers who put you off.
Why is that?
They just moan about everything start to finish and in some cases make you want to give up, which I had seriously considered. Over the last 12 months as we have seen our client base change we have seen hardly anyone complain about their flight being cancelled to more gratitude once we have flown. This I have to say makes me feel great again about what I do for a living.
In the long term what are you planning?
We are pushing our service up market. Smaller baskets to make it more personalised. We are even looking seriously at purchasing a Bentley to add that little extra touch of luxury for collection before and after your flight, obviously this will be an optional extra. You would be collected upon landing and driven back to Shieldhill Castle for Breakfast etc.
Right now lets have a laugh.
Oh yes lets!
What’s the funniest sight you have seen whilst flying?
An old couple doing horizontal tea dancing on a tartan rug in the middle of nowhere, probably not expecting a basket load of American tourists to fly over the top.
What’s the funniest thing that’s happened on a flight?
This is where my cruel side would come out, because we had 3 sisters - all built for comfort and not for speed. It wasn’t fair to put them in with other customers so I made them all get in the same compartment in the basket as each other and they couldn’t move - they were wedged in! I could see by the look on their face that they knew I had done it deliberately. Their mother never got out of the car because she wore it like a coat! God their food bill must be huge.
Have you ever offended anyone?
Yeah lots! My sense of humour isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but if they can’t take a joke, don’t come out for a flight with me, go fly with one of the flying suit, badge wearing brigade.
What have you done?
I had a fat man (sense the theme) who was concerned how he would get in the basket, because of his size, so I asked if I put a pie in the bottom of the basket for him would it help, oops, not a happy bunny.
Anybody else?
There are lots but I’ll just give you another 1. I didn’t offend her, we tried to help. She was so determined to come for a flight even though she was the cake trolleys best mate. We suggested she should come down to our storage unit to see if she could actually get into the basket. The basket was sitting on top of its trailer and she had to get on the trailer to get in the basket. So she ran across the unit, which was funny enough anyway and tried to jump onto the trailer. She never quite made it and ended up rolling across the trailer like something out of a movie - albeit not quite the right shape. The story does have a happy ending because she did get her flight. Oh and that reminds me of a woman who had a debilitating illness and her doctor had said she couldn’t fly and she was really upset. Again we asked her to come to the unit and we would see if we could get her in the basket ok. We pushed the basket onto its side, lifted her and slid her in. Stood the basket up - everything is fine. Tipped the basket back over and proceeded to pull her back out, but we have to point out that she was wearing elasticated waist trousers and we were pulling her along a suede trimmed basket - good old friction caused her to shout out oh! my god you’ve pulled my pants down. Myself and my crew turned round to see what all the fuss was and to say we got an eyeful was putting it mildly. The things you see when you don’t have a gun! I didn’t know there were beavers loose in Scotland!
What is the most ridiculous question you have been asked?
This was asked by a gentleman who turned up in a very nice Mercedes, obviously a professional. Professional pillock maybe!. Bearing in mind Hot Air rises we were flying along over an escarpment and the balloon was descending, I was using the burners to slow me down and this guy leans over into my compartment and says “I take it your using down gas, because we are going down so I looked at him and said “so the great big flame above us is going to be cold and he just went oh! my god I’m such a prat” the result was a relentless piss take exercise took place for the rest of the flight. He sloped off in his car embarrassed.
What are the daftest requests you get?
The daftest usually involve weddings. Can you collect them from their house and fly them to the church, fly them from the church to the reception and then after the reception fly them off for their going way- the normal response is bugger off and hire a helicopter, you can’t steer a balloon.
Have you been asked for anything unusual?
I’ve been asked twice, and both times by women, if they can hire the balloon to do the naughties in. I of course would say yes but I would need to see photos of them first - no point in doing a flight like this if its going to scar me for life. I think on both counts here it probably would have!
What are the most common questions you get asked that you refuse to answer, because they are just so stupid?
Will it be flyable on my birthday, I only want to fly then and I want to fly over my house.?
Where are we going?
Are we flying for 30 mins then turning round and coming back to where we started?
How do you steer it?
Have you flown anyone interesting?
Yes thanks!
Who?
Wouldn’t you like to know.
Your wife is right you are a pr*t
I flew Robin Cook, he was nice. Lorraine Kelly (recently) she was lovely, she made me a bacon sandwich after the flight. Suzanne Hampshire, she made me a cup of tea at Glamis Castle but she bottled out of the flight. The band called The Adventures, we flew them from a castle in Dumfriesshire. Bill Oddie. Brian Jones (balloonist who flew round the world), first met him in Italy in 1989, lovely guy. Lots of tv presenters, newsreaders and journalists - funny breed, some are lovely, some are just totally full of it just as well we are getting to proof read what you are writing.
What do you mean by that?
Journalists do tend to write a load of old pants. Don’t let the truth stand in the way of a good story. I hate being misquoted and I hate reading articles in newspapers and magazines where they say I have said something and I clearly haven’t and never would.
OK let’s get to know you. Favourites?
Favourite place outside Scotland? Portugal
Favourite place in Scotland? Glen Affrick
Favourite food? Chinese, Nachos, Indian, Chocolate, Sweeties, Biscuits…………
Favourite band? There are a few. I like Simple Minds, The Stranglers, Keane, Snow Patrol etc
Best gig? Zucchero at the Albert Hall in London. The best gig I have EVER been to.
What do you like to do when you are not flying, what hobbies have you got?
I like going out on my motorbike, going to the cinema and I like to spend time with my kids and my missus.
If you never flew a balloon again what would you like to do?
Be involved in the music industry, probably still playing the drums or something.
What would you like the future to hold for your business?
I would like a couple of very good advertising balloons that would enable me to travel and use my creative savvy to get exposure.
Ok I think I have taken up enough of your time.
Yes I think you bloody have now bugger off! thanks anyway its been fun.
AS THE TAPE MACHINE SWITCHES OFF GRAEME DISAPPEARS INTO THE KITCHEN TO MAKE A CUP OF TEA FOR BOTH OF US THAT’S WHEN THE QUOTES REALLY STARTED FLYING BUT I COULDN’T POSSIBLY PRINT THEM BECAUSE HIS REAL SENSE OF HUMOUR IS IN THE GUTTER, DEEPLY OFFENSIVE TO SOME, HIGHLY INAPROPRIATE AND NOT POLITICALLY CORRECT IN THE SLIGHTEST- HE’S A FUNNY MAN IF YOU CAN HANDLE THAT KIND OF HUMOUR, FORTUNATELY I COULD, I HAD A LOVELY DAY.
There is one story that he did tell me which I can print, and that is of the woman who was a complete feminist and hated men, all the way through his flight she was belittling men constantly. When they landed Graeme’s crew man had to go round a couple of farmers in order to get into the field and she said that’s typical of a man to get lost Graeme’s response was to tell a joke. Why did the woman cross the road? To which she said “I don’t know the answer was simple that’s not the issue why was she out of the kitchen! Apparently the women went ballistic and never spoke to him for the rest of the morning funny that, I don’t understand why!!!
